Friday, 9 July 2004 - 9:21 AM PDT

Just do me like Donny and commit me to the sea from which I came, as I would have wanted....just be sure to place my ashes in a most reasonably priced receptacle and don't stand down wind...

Friday, 9 July 2004 - 12:50 PM PDT

Hej!

God, I didn't realize it, but I'm in my 40s, and I haven't even THOUGHT about what I want done with my body. First of all, for all you nice people out there, make sure that you give instructions on how you want to be buried (or cremated) to a person you totally trust, for your body (after you're dead) becomes the property of your next-of-kin (in my state for sure; I don't know if this is true in all the States of the Union). This means if you want to be cremated, and the person who gets their mitts on your body has religious reasons against cremation (Baptists, for example, I believe), and you haven't spelled things out clearly the way you want your bodily remains handled, they can do with you what they will. If you plan on having your ashes "blowing in the wind," don't tell anyone in "authority." In some states, it's illegal to let the ashes fly about.

I think cremation is the best bet - it's inexpensive (compared to the big mahogany box), and you're not taking up a lot of room in the ground (we're getting so crowded now, everywhere!). As for what I want, don't tell anyone ('cause I don't want "them" to stop you), but take me down to the Rubicon Trail and, hanging my urn out the back of a speeding red Jeep (with the top down, of course), just let me go a-flyin'. If some of my ashes land in or near a nice lake (I like water, too), that wouldn't bother me either. (I suppose someone should check behind the Jeep to make sure there's no one coming up behind. The guys in the next Jeep wouldn't be too happy, I think, to get covered with a fine, grey dust. Wouldn't that just gross 'em out? "Hey, look! Ick! I've got Inga all over me!"

Now that that's settled, I'm going to have myself a great day.

Vi hors,
I.

Friday, 9 July 2004 - 1:41 PM PDT

People have been buried in their cadilacs. Did Liberace get buried with his piano and candellabra? I think so. Yes.

As for myself, I live by the modo, "You can't take it with you--but you can have a hell of a good time getting there" Personally, Chinq, I think this is a bad icebreaker, even if the bar is closing...you always insist on bringing this up, but I'm telling you--it will NOT get you laid. Maybe laid out, laid up or laid to rest, but not LAID. What's the point?

As for WHERE I would like to be put to rest, since I know nothing short of an answer will satisfy that insideous "enquiring mind" you possess--Well, I suppose I would like to be fried up, like Amino Acid in my blog suggested, clever lad with the play on words....I would like to be cremated and then spread over the ocean--preferably where the blubbery bastard will eat my ashy remains and I will go on into infinitey somewhere. Or just be a whales bowel movement.

Love,
small-fry0

Friday, 9 July 2004 - 4:26 PM PDT

I would like to be fried and frickasied, then sprinkled all over Britney Spears naked body. Is that too much to ask?

If she doesn't buy that scenario, how about placing my ashes in a silver chalice attached to a necklace around her neck hanging between her boobs. That way the friction from her skin will keep the chalice warm and me also. This way I will be able to report to God all her escapades in great detail, so that He will be better able to decide whether He should say to her,
"Well done good and faithful servant", or
"Cast the unprofitable servant into outer darkness"

Pass me a double; I can see clearly now.

Friday, 9 July 2004 - 5:22 PM PDT

Personally I would prefer to see whether there is life after death. To that end I would rather my naked rotting corpse be thrown on top of Britney's nude and prone body. Then have someone check to see whether there is any life in me below my waste, for instance.

Friday, 9 July 2004 - 6:48 PM PDT

Not "last call" conversation, "closing up" conversation. Mopping floors, washing glasses, counting money conversation. It wouldn't be ethical for me to sleep with the staff, so gettin laid isn't the goal.

Got to hit the road, I'll try to avoid all the Happy Hour drunks on the way to The Nut House.

See ya later,

Chinquapin

Friday, 9 July 2004 - 9:02 PM PDT

I WANT TO BE CREMATED AND THROWN INTO THE HEAD WATERS OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER AND TO EATEN BY WILDLIFE THEN CRAPPED OUT BY SOME ANIMAL WHERE I WILL DECOMPOSE AND FEED SOME FOLIAGE ONLY TO BE EATEN BY AN OMINVORE AND THEN CRAPPED OUT REPEATING THE CYCLE OVER AND OVER....SO YOU WILL SEE ME IN EVERY ANIMAL, PLANT AND I WILL BE PART OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF!!

Saturday, 10 July 2004 - 12:44 PM PDT

Folks,

Sorry I didn't lead by example and tell you my current disposal "plan". I used to want to go the ashes route, but I'm concerned with the pollution, energy usage issues. I want a thin walled pine box(don't even know where you get those anymore), no "preservatives"(illegal in alot of places), and a nice sunny place where someone will plant a tree on my "plot".
Maybe a Chestnut tree.

Chinquapin

Saturday, 10 July 2004 - 1:33 PM PDT

No need to worry about the pollution or energy use in cremation, because you'll be a goner anyway. Won't matter one way or another! Wouldn't it be better to be bronzed and put on display in Hollywood Forever? Perhaps you might even see something we would otherwise miss?

Alternatively a body bag might work. They would throw you in; tie the knot; then chuck you in the hole. Sweet and simple. I am not too sure if you would be happy in the sun, because the tree would cover you with shade. And heaven forbid, if they throw you in upside down, you could have a tree growing out of your butt. Sorry.

Saturday, 10 July 2004 - 8:23 PM PDT

SKR,

You're missing the point, I think.

I want to degrade. I want to fertilize. I think I'd like to help little Chinquapins(Chestnuts) grow, as I'm not passing my DNA along in anyother way.

Chinquapin

Sunday, 11 July 2004 - 2:51 AM PDT

If he were right side up, he'd have one hell of a woody! I think the earth would benefit greatly from your seed, especially all the little critters that will be supplied with your plentiful (chest)nuts. Awww. The circle of life can be so perty.

Hey Chinquapin, I was in the neighborhood saw the sign outside, somehow felt a sense of familiarity, and decided to stumble on in. The kids are crying, the dog is barking, the dinner is burnt, and the phone is ringing. Did someone mention a double?

Sunday, 11 July 2004 - 1:13 PM PDT

Welcome Up..,

Double comin' up. Afternoon Tea will begin in the Tea Room at 2:30pm, if you're interested.

By the way, I'm a she(as in Lady C), so no woodies/nuts, regardless of which end's up.

Enjoy,

Chinquapin

Sunday, 11 July 2004 - 2:05 PM PDT

I want to go in style starting with the funeral procession down Rodeo Drive in a carriage/hearse pulled by six white horses, two footmen (J-Lo and Pamela Anderson), and six internationally acclaimed pallbearers (all young blonde female ingenues). I would be resting in the finest oak casket available with plush red velvet interior, a Bose sound system; a Mr. Mister if it's really hot; and a travelling wet bar.

At Hollywood Forever there would be a mausoleum built in the shape of a pyramid (pyramid power is for strength). Inside the pyramid would be my screaming yellow Dodge Viper, my fire engine red Ferrari convertible, and my 168' Attessa. The fully stocked wet bar would be placed judiciously beside the altar in the center of the room just in case I get thirsty. All my money would be placed in a vault in the tomb beside me, just in case they don't accept credit cards in heaven. The pallbearers would set me atop the altar to the tune of Goodbye To Love sung by the Carpenters which is my favorite song of all times. All the recently released DVDs and CDs would sit on either side of the 70" big screen tv and entertainment system with satellite dish and remote control included. Naturally the footmen and pallbearers would remain in the tomb with me to keep me company on my journey.

The inscription on the altar would read:

"I am turning into gold;
I am turning into gold they say.
This is to inform you
That I've already turned into clay."

Monday, 12 July 2004 - 12:25 AM PDT

chingus,

Nice to see a man with a dream. If you "go" before me, I will lunch next to the pyramid.

Chinquapin

Monday, 12 July 2004 - 7:59 AM PDT

Rad dude! I would even tempted to 'go' early, just so that I could see the surprize on the girls faces when I rise from the dead and we party till all the champagne and beer is gone.

BTW are the walls gold and silver plated, or are they covered with mirrors?